Top 10 Rejected Surgeon General's Warnings

10.SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking cigarettes while masturbating could cause personal injury. Recommend taking a class to adequately prepare for such a task.

9. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Don't take this fine print too seriously; the feds make us print it.

8. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: 100% pure tax.

7. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: No matter how hard you try, you'll never look as cool as Bogart.

6. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: This cigarette mascot has phallic facial features.

5. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking during pregnancy can cause your baby to look like Herve Villacheze.

4. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: If you actually wear the free clothing you get from collecting multiple empty cigarette packs, you will look like a moron.

3. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking may cause women to look like cheap, sleazy sluts.

2. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Keith Richards is a fluke.

1. SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that smoking can cause you to lead a pathetic existence sitting in a smelly designated smoking area at your job, freezing your cajones off in the middle of winter.