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Daily Living

15 Pesky Ways to Annoy Your Roomate
  1. Arrange thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Set one aside from the rest. Laugh hysterically at the one toothbrush. When your roommate asks about it, refuse to discuss the situation
  2. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
  3. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? S/he won't be here much longer."
  4. Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a Band-Aid on your forehead, and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.
  5. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
  6. Cut the faces out of all your pictures.
  7. Do all your homework in the bathroom, using the toilet as a desk.
  8. Don't shower for three weeks. Complain often about the stench. Demand that your roommate do his/her laundry.
  9. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"
  10. Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate. If s/he asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist...."
  11. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.
  12. Frantically scribble something on paper. When finished, eat it. Start again.
  13. Name your books. Call them like dogs when it's time to study.
  14. Play hide and seek with yourself. If your roommate asks what you're doing behind the couch, under the table, etc., look at them exasperatedly, come out of hiding and tell him/her that s/he gave away your hiding place. Refuse to talk to him/her for several hours.
  15. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."